October Update

Hola!

In the past month (in which I have not updated my blog), I have been trying to fix my digital camera to take pictures to post here, which really is why I haven’t posted sooner. Anyways, I have been easing into my new Regional Leader role (maybe I haven’t announced here that I am taking on this leadership position, but here, officially, I’m announcing it). The former leader is still around so I have been learning the ropes from her, but starting mid-November and until I leave in April it’s going to be the Raquel show. The position is essentially three-fold: volunteer support, agency relations and new site identification and development. So I get to be somebody important to volunteers, to our local agencies (I have met our Provincial police chief!) and to the office/program directors. I’ve decided to take on this role while still living in my site (can’t get enough of that clean air and tranquility), which has meant a lot more time riding the bus to my provincial capital. I read a lot, but that’s wonderful. It’s nice to feel like I have a schedule some days, and the rest of my days I can hang out in my town and be okay with not having so many actual projects going on there. I have seen some new parts of my province, and will be exploring much more of it as I essentially cold-call/visit potential new volunteer communities. EEK! It’s a daunting prospect, but I know I’m capable of pulling it off.

I was also preparing heavily for the GRE’s, which I took on Saturday. As prepared as I was for the test, being in Panama was not to my advantage. I made sure I had a good night’s sleep, and arrived at the school an hour early, just in case I had the location wrong. This wouldn’t have been any big deal except that the proctor only arrived at 8:30, and it took another half hour for them to tell us to line up to register, then we waited over another hour for them to find a microphone system to be able to read us the rules and announce the time. So, we started 2 hours late because that’s how things work in this country. I can accept that generally, but in the case of a United States-administered test where a person’s future is (in part) on the line, I was expecting something better. Or was I? I did have a worry that something like that would happen…like they’d lose the test books or something. So instead of being done right at lunch time, the bulk of the test happened between 12 and 2pm, which are eating and siesta hours in my book. I’m concerned about my score, really, since I was not my fresh in mind, body or spirit when it came to the rapid-fire math questions, but what’s done is done and hopefully my other merits are much more important to any potential program. And no, I have no specific ideas, plans or timelines about grad school, I just thought this would be an advantageous situation in which to take the test because I could study and take it on paper…I guess my plot was foiled! The big kicker for me is that this sort of thing happens constantly, and there is no consequence for the school’s messing this up. It’s not like they get paid to do this, or are going to get fired or otherwise penalized. Hopefully my complaint and others’ to Educational Testing Services will prevent this from happening to other people (I also know that this is not an isolated incident, as a friend took her subject tests two weeks ago and similar things happened to her, including the proctor interrupting her during the test to ask how she was feeling, how she was doing with the test!).

So, those are the two major events that took up my time in the past month. November, as you may all remember from my first blog postings, is a fiesta month, because it’s Independence Day/Country Month. So I will take out my FILM camera and be snapping pictures because I know I will regret not having records of all this cultural activity. Maybe I will find a way to post the pictures.

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road??

A memory: when my brother and I were young, we would tell each other “why did the chicken cross the road?”-type jokes, but I quickly understood that I could not outsmart him using normal punchlines (i.e. to get to the other side). So I would make up ridiculous answers like “to get to the bench to go to the rainbow land with the pot of gold and then to Bart Simpson land.” I remember saying Bart Simpson land.

Why do I mention this? Not sure, maybe I miss my brother and our childhood. Maybe chickens are a major part of my landscape these days. But that line keeps popping up in my head as a parallel to the question: Why did Rachel join the Peace Corps? I might as well be that chicken who blindfolded herself, took a step onto the asphalt, and ran across propelled by the idea that there was something worthwhile on the other side. I was expecting: learning about tropical/Global South subsistence agriculture, sharing my knowledge to enrich people’s lives, sharing my culture and learning about another culture. As I come up on being in Panama for one year (Oct. 8^th is the official date, and if Peace Corps had kept their word as things had been when I transferred from Bolivia, I’d be going home that day), I have been forcing myself to think about what I have accomplished and what I have yet to accomplish. In a sense, I have done the aforementioned things. But not on the grand scale that I had envisioned. I had images of working with groups of people who would learn things from me (like doing worm composting or intensive inter-cropping) and put them into practice within their systems of home gardens or farms, all of us smiling and cooperating along the way. That definitely is not the case, and unfortunately not because it’s physically impossible, but because of some more invisible forces.

Last Friday, in my apparently vain attempt to hold the weekly nutrition/health class (nobody wanted to do it, for the nth week in a row), one person told me that I must be really bored here, with so little to do. In a way, I am, but I haven’t given up. Then she told me how I should have brought in an English language class or something, because agriculture and the “other things” I do are useless here. Or I should have gone somewhere else. Inwardly enraged, I tried to calmly explain for the millionth time to the millionth person here that I graduated from a good university (the BEST, GO BIG RED) with a degree in Plant Sciences, not Teaching English. I explained that it IS possible to do agriculture here, I’ve seen successful gardens in this very town. I didn’t even bother to explain to this person who just told me she couldn’t “do nutrition class” this week for ambiguous reasons that nutrition is in no way useless and maybe the most exigent item on my to-do list, based on what I feel is needed here. Children learning English is not on the list. Of course, the government here has convinced the population that English-speaking Panamanians make money…so all parents want is for their children to get into an English immersion school so they can make money. No matter if they are eating fried hot dogs and a bag of Cheetos for breakfast (that’s not an exaggeration).

What this woman was saying is nothing I haven’t heard or inferred from conversations before, but her accusatory manner, as if I had made the bad decision to come here and desire to do agriculture projects, is what hurt my feelings. This site was not my choice, though I suppose agriculture was and I stand by that choice. But the chicken crossed the road, and got what she got. That joke never says she didn’t like it so she went back, does it? Fortunately for me, I know I’m here for a defined amount of time. I can be miserable or not with what I got, but it will end one day. I’m trying to do things that will tip me to the not-miserable end of things, and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. However, I have no intention of being bossed around or bullied into doing things I don’t believe in. I plan on fighting the good fight promoting nutrition and gardening for the next 6+ months, and then I will be done. I do think that there is value in finishing what I started, no matter how hard the days are. Thank goodness I’m stubborn like my late Pop-Pop! Then there will be no doubt in my mind that I fulfilled every promise I made to myself and to the Peace Corps. Furthermore, I think I’ll realize later on that a lot of good came from this experience, that I did learn a lot and possibly that I did have an impact on people here. (Side story: When we were in training in Bolivia, we heard a story of a community in rural India. A visitor there noticed that people there had exceptionally good teeth. When asked why, people said it was because in the 70’s, there was a Peace Corps volunteer in the area who always brushed his teeth, so they all started doing so. That volunteer may have never known what an impact he made). It’s just hard to always know what that good is while I’m here, hearing such negativity from people who should be thanking their lucky stars they have an expert (comparatively speaking) in agriculture who speaks Spanish and has only their best interests in mind living in their town for another six months. But even if I’m just a silly chicken on the other side of the road who will never be sure if this was the right choice, I’m glad to be pecking my way along, independent, scrappy and proud. And what separates me from the chicken is that I know one day I’ll go back across the road, changed in many ways.

My New Job!

So I applied for and was accepted to become a part-time regional leader for my province! I am currently going through two days of training, and starting in November I will be taking on responsibilities like visiting volunteers and keeping up a positive and informed relationship with Panamanian government agencies (like the ministry of agriculture). Hooray for defined leadership experience, new challenges and going outside my comfort zone.

More updates soon.

abc of llano del padre

Apologies for not posting. To reward you all for your patience, I have been working on a photo alphabet project. My digital camera has stopped working (wish I had one of those sweet shock-proof, waterproof, freezeproof ones right about now, though I don't think they're extreme-heat-proof), so I'm missing a few letters. The idea was to use words that were characteristic of life around my site, and to have the kids engage in the activity and thus be practicing their ABC's. It was fun, and actually hard to get the kids to stop. They would run up to anything, name it, say what it began with, and pose. So here goes, hope you learn some new words!

ABC slideshow on Picasa

vecinas

one of these is cuter than the other...

Vecino/a:  (bay-see-no/na).  Neighbor.  Though in my case also means friend, and occasional serious favor-doer.

A few months ago on a drizzly and dark night, I got bitten in the spine by a very large wasp.  They call it a "congaluna" here.  In any case, I thought nothing of it for about 10 minutes, except that WOW it hurts to get a wasp sting there (I'm much more careful about standing under lightbulbs at night now).  Then I started itching seemingly uncontrollably in my armpits, knees, and groin.  Then I looked at my back and noticed it was all red. Then I couldn't stop itching my major articulations, and I saw that I was breaking out in raised bumps in all of them.  Then the itching and breaking out started crawling up my neck, and soon I was worried my throat was going to close up.  I could feel the swelling in my ears, it seemed.  I was also, stupidly, without any credit on my prepaid cell phone, meaning I could not contact Peace Corps or any other emergency services.  My option was to find someone who could do that, but it wasn't necessarily going to happen.  I walked through the mud, trying to reach my host family's house (not a short distance).  I turned back, and although I didn't want to disturb my neighbor, I had little choice other than waiting to see whether I was going to stop breathing or get better.  So I knocked, and shouted it was me.  Well, my neighbor didn't have any phone credit, but she ran off to the next house over, to her mother, who luckily did.  And didn't think twice about calling Peace Corps for me, even though that meant they wouldn't have phone credit.  They spent almost all their credit calling Peace Corps, my host family, and later, the ambulance from the nearby town.  I was actually fine, I knew that even before I got to the hospital in nearby Santiago.  But having my neighbor there to help me kept me from panicking, that's for sure.

This neighbor and I hang out a good amount, just talking and watching her baby (15 month old girl) grow up.  I do consider her one of my best friends here.  She's always willing to do things like fill up my bucket with water from her much larger tank, when we are all suffering from drought and she has 4 bodies to bathe and cook for, versus my one.  I try to make it up to her by lending her a few dollars every now and then (I was uncomfortable about it at first, but she always pays me back as soon as she gets her child support money) or picking up some things for her when I go to the store (again, she always pays me back, there's no free money here).  

So last night, when I was making banana bread and my gas tank finally went out mid-bake (4 months on one tank, I think it's a record in my town!), I was grateful that her mom is the only other person in town with a working oven and, luckily, a full gas tank.  She didn't hesitate to let me into the kitchen so I could finish the baking.  Of course, she got a nice hunk of bread.  I hate feeling like that's not an equivalent favor (sweets for much more precious gas), but these people really understand giving and what it is to be a good neighbor.  Giving is not about getting...it's about filling someone else's need, when you can.  I know this is a fairly common theme with me and in this blog, but it always bears repeating, as I am reminded of it in powerful ways every day.  There is always something you can give.  In the USA, we tend not to be sought out for favors in the same way.  However, that doesn't mean we shouldn't seek out opportunities to give, right?

http://www.ooffoo.com/

cool website!

a hundred trees, yes please!!

So of late I’ve been working on two things, mostly.  First is the exercise and nutrition class that has not been working out so much.  I had 3 weeks in which I had seriously good attendance, and the women who came were totally into it.  The following week only one woman came.  Then the past two weeks NOBODY came.  Once because it was raining, then this last time I don’t know why.  It’s really hard for me to think that this maybe won’t work out.  I know I’m capable of giving this class, I’m full of good ideas, and think that if the women would really make the effort to go, they’d get a lot out of it and enjoy the time they take for themselves.  But…they just don’t go, and always give reasons that to me seem, well, stupid.  I haven’t resolved how I will deal with this, whether I keep trying to get people to show up, or to forget about it.  Probably the first option, though it’s so frustrating to feel like I’m forcing people to go to “my” class, when I started the class based on a need I observed and which was expressed by many people.  It’s their class, for them, but I think they see it as they’re doing me the favor of showing up.  Should not be like that. 

On the other hand, we planted around 100 trees in my community yesterday!  This is a major success for me.  Here’s how it went.  Early June, as you readers may remember, I made a list of things I wanted to get done.  Out of that, I decided the trees were very important and not too big of a task to take on.  I invited many people, and ended up with a small group of (generally speaking) hard workers, and we decided we could put in the effort to dig holes in the open area around the chapel, and I would get tree seedlings from the Environmental Authority’s extension in the nearby town.  It’s too late to raise the seedlings to be planted this year. I gave up the idea of making people commit to a tree nursery to be able to participate, but those who have been participating in the effort actually want to do tree nurseries so we don’t have to wait on trees from the Environmental Authority.  So that is actually something we can work on near creeks in the dry season!  The Environmental Authority had two types of trees, both can be raised for their valuable wood, but trees are trees and they still do all the important soil-protecting, air-purifying, shade-giving activities before they are cut down in 20 years.  For those interested in trees, they are known here as Caoba Nacional (Swietenia macrophylla) and Roble (Tabebuia pentaphylla), the latter being very similar to oak.  It’s good to use wood production trees because people see their value.  Plus, they always can collect the seeds and raise more.  That’s what I love about trees, they are disposed to reproduction, if you just leave them be or put in a small amount of effort, the returns are great.  Not like those dumb vegetables which suck up nutrients and still ask for more.  Grrr.  But I digress.

Our original goal was to plant 50 trees, but digging holes was surprisingly easy.  We did it in 30 minute sessions so people wouldn’t balk at the idea of going to a second work session, and were at our goal after just 3 sessions.  So then the agent who had the trees said it would be fine to bring even more trees (we ended up with around 100).  So we dug more holes, and set the date for planting.  It went very smoothly, since the holes were already dug.  One of the group members/diggers has been absent for the last week dealing with an illness in the family, so she had a real excuse to not be here planting.  However, the very morning that we had agreed to plant, I went to get one of the other planters’ houses and she said she couldn’t because she had to walk with her old mother to the house farther out of town.  That is one of those excuses that makes no sense to me, it just sounds like she didn’t feel like doing the work.  I’m allowed to believe that it’s a stupid excuse because her mother has been hanging around the house for several weeks and I reminded her yesterday afternoon about the planting, and then all of a sudden she has this extremely important task of delivering her mother to the other house.  Despite being down 2 of 5 adult workers, the environmental group came in the truck along with the trees from the nearby town, and we had the help of my host brothers/cousins.  We planted all the trees in under an hour!  So my overall feeling is good, but I am always left amazed by how I can get lied to and stupid-excused to by people who claim they really want something to happen.  Worse, I can’t help but anticipate that those who didn’t show up (I had invited more than 4 people to be a part of this effort, but they never actually came to anything) will have some sort of issue with the way it was done.  You can’t not show up and then complain.  Well, here you can.

Still, overall I’m very happy there are trees here that weren’t before, that my faithful helpers went home with 4 valuable seedlings each, and that trees may become a constant project for me here, now that we have gotten off to a good start.

Other news, my friend’s park project that I advertised in June got very quickly funded after that blog post.  I therefore believe many of you contributed, and assure you that it is now in its beginning stages.  I’ll keep you posted, but for now I want to thank you for contributing, all who did.  It means a lot to be supported by people back home.

Digging holes on the llano (plain, field)

arrival of the trees (this is my host mother)

Angie and Gordo (who is not fat, so the nickname is a joke)

Alfredo and Carlitos

Carlitos and Alfredo (this is my favorite pic of the day)